Crossroads

Now as ghetto as Cablevision is, I must confess that their Optimum Rewards program is kind of cool. If you get your phone, internet and cable from them in their triple play pacakge, you get two free tickets at any Cleariew Cinemas theater every Tuesday. I had been a member of this program for years but had never cashed in. Looking back this was extremely stupid. But I digress. As I wanted to check out Hellboy 2 so that my boy Matt and I could compare notes, I had to trek all the way up to 62nd and 1st on the East Side to catch a Clearview theater where it was playing. Once inside, I quickly learned that I wasn't the only person who'd had this idea.

How do you get all of ghetto USA into one theater? Make it the one that's giving free passes and they will come far and wide, like it's Field of Dreams or something. I mean this crew was worse than usual. In one row there was a loud crumpling of cellophane for the entire film. In another a dude kept taking phone calls with his ringer on loud. The excessive crunching of popcorn, the talking at the screen. All of these things existed at a level magnified far beyond that of Court Street, which is one of the most ghetto theaters that I know about. But it was free. So I guess I shouldn't complain. I only wish that the movie had been better.

I had only been a so-so fan of the first film. But I loved Ron Perlman's performance and saw potential that the second could be a lot better. While director Guillermo del Toro is great with his Spanish speaking flicks, all of his forays into comic book territory have been poorly-timed, poorly-written and underwhelming for a dude such as myself.

But it did get me out of the house, which was a blessing in itself. In the next few days I will make a tough decision, one of the biggest that I've had to make in sometime. With so many setbacks in the last few months, an abyssmal job market for writers (where there are a good 50 people competing over the most low-budget of freelance jobs on Craigslist) and a grant I didn't get, my fingernails are hanging on the edge and I'm not so sure if I can hold on. I may be going home, back to DC, to regroup.

This isn't a definite but right now, at the beginning of a day with an important meeting, a Cake reading in DC and other assorted considerations, my brain lacks the objectivity to call it in the air. On one hand it might not be so bad going back to the old homestead for a sec to spend more time with my family, devote a few months to writing and recconnecting with all the DC folks I never see, and making a fresh start.

On the flipside I've been in Brooklyn for almost ten years and have survived all kinds of things. Had I not been sleeping at the wheel for so much of the last year, concerning myself with past problems and future fears I might have navigated myself away from this crossroads long ago. I love my neighborhood. I love my Ile. Being without them is an adjustment I don't want to make. But I'm not sure whether staying is fighting change that needs to happen or staying the course on a murky part of the path.

I thought about it all last night as I found myself trapped in various train stations trying to get home during tunnel problems and a Yankees game that went to 14 innings. Then I talked with someone who knows my predicament all too well because she's been there. She emphasized that there is no shame in taking a break and going home, that you have to do what you have to do. Still this morning a check I was looking for turned up two days early. I think I can make it. I might be able to hold on.

Standing at the edge of the 59th Street bridge last night, I took in a corner of Manhattan I'd never seen before. I watched the skycars arrive and depart from Roosevelt Island. I took blurry shots of the bridge in all its beauty and remembered the first time I saw it. On a bus out heading to DC for a Cake reading tonight I took in all the corner bodegas and Central Park, LES and the 24-hour diner on 42nd. There are so many things you can't find anywhere but here. I'll miss them if I go. I'll cherish them if I stay. And now I pray. Ifaniyi, hope you got some time in you schedule. Out.

P.S. For a preview of the new kenjijasper.com, you can go to www.youngjasper.wordpress.com